It has been… A minute.

The initial delay in posting was due to busy life stuff, and straight up just ADD. Then, Covid-19 happened, so I, like everyone else, have been adjusting and juggling life to the best of my abilities.

I’m curious what social distancing is like for people without children. I love my kids. They are wonderful. However, I’ve gone from “I feel like I’m never alone” to LITERALLY never being alone. Ever. Yes, it was my choice to have 4 of them. No regrets. I just might not have considered what it would be like to be trapped indoors with them for months on end. The only time I get alone is when I go to the bathroom, and in order to avoid having a child come bang on the door to ask me to do something for them, I straight up will leave the door open because that is my only defense. YOLO motherfuckers! There are no rules in isolation!

(I’m not calling my kids “motherfuckers” by the way. Just to clarify.)

As far as coping goes, my emotions are coming and going in waves, as I’m sure yours are too. The first two weeks were a fairly numb/what I’ve learned is a trauma response. The Dude is an essential worker, and was having to work extended hours & work weeks, which really took it out of both of us. I think we went into survival mode, and just kept our heads down till we finally could catch our breath. This has been followed by panic, acceptance, depression, with bouts of productivity & acceptance again. As an extroverted-introvert, I feel like I’ve been training my whole life for this. I love being at home. I love being with my kids, even though it is constantly loud and wild. However, I do still miss that social piece. A lot of my family lives near by, and I’ve definitely cried when I’ve seen some of them from a safe distance. Going into the grocery store with random local strangers just doesn’t cut it.

The kids are showing amazing resilience, and I’m so proud. They definitely have days of frustration, not understanding WHY they can’t play with friends even though they’ve seen other people having people over. That is when we have the same conversation for the 100th time: “We are doing our part. Your dad is essential, which means he still has to go to work and interact with people. He could bring something home, and we don’t want to share that with other people. Also, (6YO son) is at a higher risk of complications if he were to catch Covid-19, so we are trying to keep him safe.”

I could honestly go off on a tangent regarding that last sentence, but I won’t. What I will say is that it has been eye opening to see how many people prioritize their own lives VS someone else’s.

I’m baking a lot, & cooking constantly. We’ve painted 3 out of 4 bedrooms in the house, mostly because we had the paint lying around and I really needed the distraction on panic attack days. I’ve done way too many dishes. So many, in fact, that I vow to make this someone else’s responsibility by the time this is all over. That’s right, kids. Time to earn your keep!

Some key things for me during all this have been:

• Limit news intake. I follow enough to stay informed, but if I stay online all day, I’ll be a spiraling mess.
• Getting outside. When the sun is out, I make it a point to get out there, at least for a few minutes & soak up that vitamin D.
• Feeding myself. Hydrating. Seriously. I forget on a lot of days, and that helps no one.
• Feeding my soul: Listening to/reading books, listening to podcasts, blasting my favorite music, watching favorite movies or shows. Recommendations: Books: Strong Women Rising by Tiffany Reese, Untamed by Glennon Doyle. Podcasts: Something Was Wrong, Jensen & Holes: Murder Squad, In Bed with Nick & Megan, Armchair Expert, and (one that isn’t out yet but I’m looking forward to) Julie’s Library.
• Having grace. Seriously. Lower your expectations of yourself and those you’re isolating with. There are a LOT of days I cannot & don’t get anything done beyond “distance school” for the kids. I’ve even skipped a day of that. My house is a hot mess 98% of the time. It is okay.

I hope you’re all doing okay, or as okay as you can be. If you are considered essential & are still working, thank you for doing so. If you are staying at home when you can, & social distancing when able, thank you. To all the caregivers, and good souls checking in on elderly loved ones & neighbors, thank you. It has been a scary time for everyone, but especially for those who themselves are at higher risk , or who have with loved ones who are at higher risk for complications, and your efforts to flatten the curve are so appreciated.